Or I could call this entry “Aw But Ain’t That America?”
#28 on the list of The 31 Things I Love About Christmas: Black Friday.
I have always said, if you were to bring a foreigner into this country, legally of course, I would introduce them to the United States of ‘Merica on Black Friday. If you want to show them what we are really all about, schlep ‘em around on Black Friday. On the other hand a visit to a casino would do just fine. For it is there we entertain our 4 deadliest sins as Americans: Drinking, smoking, gambling and eating.
Make no mistake: I go to people watch and be part of the action. I bought a $10 pair of jeans this year. That’s all. While they do look rather snazzy and will go great with my Cheap Trick t-shirt and Sabres jersey, I still feel I over paid for them (if you are keeping score at home, the Cheap Trick shirt was about $35 and the Sabres jersey put me out $50).
Most people think I’m nuts, to put it nicely, to want to brave the crowds and risk my life for laughs. Guilty as charged. My only major purchasing on Black Friday was done for Christmas ’08, when I put some very lovely things for my very lovely girlfriend, who turned into my very lovely fiance, who turned into my very lovely wife. However I am not, nor will I ever some bumbling dolt, shuffling through the mall aimlessly, doped up on Starbucks (or the far superior Tim Horton's, God willing) with no plan of attack. I knew the mall I was going to, knew which stores were where, knew which parking lot was the best to get into and the order of stores I needed to visit. I knew exactly what I was looking for and what the suitable substitutes were if my top items of choice were gone. You wander into a jewelry store and say “Well Abner, I’m looking something for my lady, but I haven’t a clue what to get,” and soon the sales rep is planning a 3 month vacation to Hamilton, ON because he is gonna rake in commission on your dumb self. Ya gotta go in walk right to the case and go “THAT ONE.” Box it. Wrap it. I have never purchased a present for Sara without knowing exactly what I am gonna get her. (Small gifts such as gum or fuzzy socks notwithstanding).
That’s really my only rule: Know what you are getting, but have the sense to be flexible and adapt quickly. Sometimes the unadvertised deals are better than the ones people are beating each other senseless over, but stick to your basic plan. If you should see things after your required purchases are done, that you think may make for a nice additional gift, have a good time. Preparation and the ability to resist the sales on things you don’t really need are key.
It does boggle my mind as to the grown adults that will wait in line at all hours of the night for these deals. I said I love the action of Black Friday, note I said nothing about waiting in line early. You gotta be about 20 cents short to stand in line for something you have no gaurentee of getting. If Walmart is giving away a 96-inch TV for $12, trust me, they don’t have ‘em stacked floor to ceiling. These major block buster deals that people are running each other over for, aren’t worth the trouble. You are relying on quick feet and luck. I don’t feel like playing those odds. All those stores legally have to do carry is one of the item. Pay attention to the sales and shop around and chances are you can get what you need at price that is not that much higher, if at all, than the “huge bargain” on Black Friday.
I do view Black Friday as a big weekend of bonuses. If you need luggage, sheets or any other random item, chances are you can get it at a slightly reduced price (if you don’t need the item in question in the first place, it is no longer a deal, it is a purchase). For example, when I would buy Sara jewelry for Christmas, I usually went on a bit of a bender and got her stuff for her birthday that I normally wouldn’t be able to buy. Same cute little necklace but at a slightly lower price, that my friends is a bonus. Now would be the time to buy wedding and baby shower gifts, or birthday gifts for those in the coming months. As long as you have a person easy to buy for and the gift is return proof (as in there is nearly no way they wouldn’t have use for this), go ahead and buy now.
Another example: I saw The Godfather Trilogy (plus bonus disc) on sale for $20 this weekend. Normally that is a $60 set. Being presented a gift like that would make me kiss the givers’ feet, if you got it this weekend at $20 but hold out til my birthday in May, I am none the wiser. Still a great gift, still just as awesome, just not at full price. Bonus.
Black Friday can be a magical time filled with wonder and excitement, as long as ya aren’t a dummy about it.
We spend money.We walk over people.
We behave like naughty little goats.
We STAMPEDE like a pack of bison doped up M&Ms.
"Aw, but ain't that America, for you and me? Ain't that America? It's somethin' to see, baby."
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