"See Him In There Watching Football, Drinking Beer & Playing Cards With Cousin Mel."

There are certain things, you don’t know how they got started, but once they do, you are glad they did.

#27 of the 31 Things I Love About Christmas: Deuces Wild.

Playing cards on Christmas? Real nice eh?

Let me explain. At some point, maybe around 6….or maybe it was 9, who knows, my grandpa and dad taught me the simplest form of poker I know and the only kind I am truly comfortable playing. I have tried Texas Hold ‘Em and straight poker, but they don’t seem as fun or hold my attention as well as Deuces Wild. Simple rules. The four 2 cards aka deuces are wild, meaning they can be made into any card the holder wants them to be. First hand dealt is five cards. After assessing your cards, you may grab up to 4 new cards and after that it is normal poker rankings as to what hand beats what hand. Everyone shows their cards. Winner is declared. Repeat process. This is a mere exercise in spending time and passing time with my grandpa. This can go on for up to an hour at a time.

Hardly a holiday would pass without breaking out the cards. In the end table in the living room right now I have 4 decks of cards, not to mention all the ones I have at home. Some decks I have had upwards of 10 years. Grandpa hated the new cards I usually found in my stocking on Christmas morning and would bring over for Christmas and break out again for New Year’s but we played on.

I can vaguely remember seeing my dad, grandpa and much older cousins Tony & Leo playing a couple times on Christmas and New Year’s Eve (’92 for sure) and it sure seemed like they were having a blast, though I had no idea what was going on. Then there are the Italian cards (not sure of their proper name) that have been on the middle shelf in a cabinet in my grandparents kitchen for as long as I can remember. On a few occasions I have tried learning the games, but it is very very difficult to grasp. Pretty certain Grandpa and his brothers Russ and Sam, made up the rules as they went.

This is a prized memory for me. It really is the little things you remember the most and treasure the dearest. Thoughts of Christmas and New Year’s past always include these card games. This is something I will miss when it is no longer possible, which I hope isn’t for a very very long time.

We are a simple folk. This is what they did on holidays and at get-togethers to pass time and spend time with each other. Men would play cards, for hours on end, ladies would play bingo and chat. Rest assured, I don’t know how much time I will have to spend on Christmas with my grandparents, but I promise a deck of cards will be in my back pocket.

Not to mention Deuces Wild won me $350 in Niagara Falls. Stay tuned for the story.

"As The Shoppers Rush Home With Their Treasures."

*cue Pink Floyd's "Money" to put you in the mood for this entry
Or I could call this entry “Aw But Ain’t That America?”

#28 on the list of The 31 Things I Love About Christmas: Black Friday.

I have always said, if you were to bring a foreigner into this country, legally of course, I would introduce them to the United States of ‘Merica on Black Friday. If you want to show them what we are really all about, schlep ‘em around on Black Friday. On the other hand a visit to a casino would do just fine. For it is there we entertain our 4 deadliest sins as Americans: Drinking, smoking, gambling and eating.

Make no mistake: I go to people watch and be part of the action. I bought a $10 pair of jeans this year. That’s all. While they do look rather snazzy and will go great with my Cheap Trick t-shirt and Sabres jersey, I still feel I over paid for them (if you are keeping score at home, the Cheap Trick shirt was about $35 and the Sabres jersey put me out $50).

Most people think I’m nuts, to put it nicely, to want to brave the crowds and risk my life for laughs. Guilty as charged. My only major purchasing on Black Friday was done for Christmas ’08, when I put some very lovely things for my very lovely girlfriend, who turned into my very lovely fiance, who turned into my very lovely wife. However I am not, nor will I ever some bumbling dolt, shuffling through the mall aimlessly, doped up on Starbucks (or the far superior Tim Horton's, God willing) with no plan of attack. I knew the mall I was going to, knew which stores were where, knew which parking lot was the best to get into and the order of stores I needed to visit. I knew exactly what I was looking for and what the suitable substitutes were if my top items of choice were gone. You wander into a jewelry store and say “Well Abner, I’m looking something for my lady, but I haven’t a clue what to get,” and soon the sales rep is planning a 3 month vacation to Hamilton, ON because he is gonna rake in commission on your dumb self. Ya gotta go in walk right to the case and go “THAT ONE.” Box it. Wrap it. I have never purchased a present for Sara without knowing exactly what I am gonna get her. (Small gifts such as gum or fuzzy socks notwithstanding).

That’s really my only rule: Know what you are getting, but have the sense to be flexible and adapt quickly. Sometimes the unadvertised deals are better than the ones people are beating each other senseless over, but stick to your basic plan. If you should see things after your required purchases are done, that you think may make for a nice additional gift, have a good time. Preparation and the ability to resist the sales on things you don’t really need are key.

It does boggle my mind as to the grown adults that will wait in line at all hours of the night for these deals. I said I love the action of Black Friday, note I said nothing about waiting in line early. You gotta be about 20 cents short to stand in line for something you have no gaurentee of getting. If Walmart is giving away a 96-inch TV for $12, trust me, they don’t have ‘em stacked floor to ceiling. These major block buster deals that people are running each other over for, aren’t worth the trouble. You are relying on quick feet and luck. I don’t feel like playing those odds. All those stores legally have to do carry is one of the item. Pay attention to the sales and shop around and chances are you can get what you need at price that is not that much higher, if at all, than the “huge bargain” on Black Friday.

I do view Black Friday as a big weekend of bonuses. If you need luggage, sheets or any other random item, chances are you can get it at a slightly reduced price (if you don’t need the item in question in the first place, it is no longer a deal, it is a purchase). For example, when I would buy Sara jewelry for Christmas, I usually went on a bit of a bender and got her stuff for her birthday that I normally wouldn’t be able to buy. Same cute little necklace but at a slightly lower price, that my friends is a bonus. Now would be the time to buy wedding and baby shower gifts, or birthday gifts for those in the coming months. As long as you have a person easy to buy for and the gift is return proof (as in there is nearly no way they wouldn’t have use for this), go ahead and buy now.

Another example: I saw The Godfather Trilogy (plus bonus disc) on sale for $20 this weekend. Normally that is a $60 set. Being presented a gift like that would make me kiss the givers’ feet, if you got it this weekend at $20 but hold out til my birthday in May, I am none the wiser. Still a great gift, still just as awesome, just not at full price. Bonus.

Black Friday can be a magical time filled with wonder and excitement, as long as ya aren’t a dummy about it.

We spend money.
We walk over people.
We behave like naughty little goats.
We STAMPEDE like a pack of bison doped up M&Ms.

"Aw, but ain't that America, for you and me? Ain't that America? It's somethin' to see, baby."

"Decorations Of Red, On A Green Christmas Tree."

#29 on the list of the 31 Things I Love About Christmas is: Grandma’s House

There is something that is beyond explanation that is comfortable, warm and cozy about my grandma’s house at Christmas time. I know, this is gonna seem like a stretch, but run with me on this one.

Italians eat. Italians are all about family. Italians are all about eating with family. From as long as I can remember up until Mid November ’96, we ate at Grandma’s every Sunday. 1pm. Never before. I can still her bellowing “C’MON!” from the kitchen, though it would take another 20 minutes before everyone was seated with their plate. Everyone in their spot. If you were to look at the table from the kitchen/hall doorway, starting clockwise would be Rosalia, Mom, Dad, me, Grandpa, Grandma, Aunt Julie. Later room would be made and a card table would be necessary to accommodate my Uncle Harry, their daughter Giavanna and my brother Michael. Eating and conversation would often continue for 2 or 3 hours. If you think I’m kidding, you must not have any relatives from “The Boot.” Easter, Christmas Day, New Year’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, father’s day, mother’s day…all spent on Whitlock Road.

But Christmas time, again, I remember the most bizarre things. This musical wind up Christmas tree with three snowmen skating would be placed on the kitchen TV (sometimes on top of the fridge with the mini light up Christmas tree, or on the counter). There would be a little plastic wreath safety-pinned to the drapes, while full window cling sheets would be taped to the kitchen and bedroom doors (Grandma mess up her windows? Good luck) the living room would be rearranged to accommodate the Christmas tree (formerly stored in the attic, which after all these years, I still have never seen nor been in).

I can still see this old blue and yellow Molson Export box which the Christmas ornaments were kept. From the hallway, to the left was the end table and grandpa’s chair, directly across from the Christmas tree and grandmas chair. That rather old cheap but charming plastic angel, atop the tree sealed the deal. This altered the look of the entire room and something about the new position of the lights, plus the sparkling Christmas tree and the lights from neighboring houses, plus the Christmas lights on their house, which shone through the three mini windows in the front door in a frosted haze of colors….I can still close my eyes and picture it. Why this affects me after all this time, I don’t know, but it was one of the most comfortable things in the world.

In the kitchen would be the same Christmas-y paper cups, plastic table cloths, paper plates and foam coffee cups that we had used for years. No, don’t worry, they weren’t reused each year or anything, but I think she stumbled across the deal of a lifetime some years prior and bought up Christmas and Halloween party supplies by the gross. Anise (most people really have no idea what I'm talking about...this amazing licorice tasting vegetable type thing...delich, apparently it's proper name is Florence fennel) could always be found on the table. Egg nog would be close by, as would a basket of mixed nuts, “Once you start with these things, that’s it," Grandma would say, in between cracking another walnut or hazelnut, plus enough Christmas cookies to last til Easter. Sometimes, when we were younger we would have helped make them the previous week or earlier that week….but enough about Christmas cookies, more on them later.

Basically, this vision and these memories represent a simple and prized time in my life. Christmas was the best day of the year and it seemed Christmas vacation would last forever. Of course Christmas vacation cant last forever, but the memories sure can.

"Jump In Bed. Cover Up Ya Head, 'Cause Santa Claus Comes Tonight."

I am a traditionalist at heart, generally speaking. Once something is started and some sort of emotional or sentimental attachment is made, it is important to be to keep it going. This ranges from listening to the soundtracks to Major League and Bull Durham, in addition to 2 mix CDs of all baseball songs, in the days prior to and on the way to a baseball game. As for hockey games…you don’t wanna know. Put a pair of tickets to a hockey game in my hand, and I am back to being 6 years old, walking with mom and dad, hand in hand across Exchange Blvd in downtown Rochester into the Rochester War Memorial (can’t bring myself to call it Blue Cross Arena) to see our Amerks (usually) destroy their unlucky opponent.

#30 on my list of The 31 Things I Love About Christmas is: Ornaments and jammies.

Every Christmas that I can remember have been accompanied by the presentation of a new Christmas ornament and pair of pajamas, usually the afternoon of Christmas eve.

Anytime of the year, whenever we are in a mall that houses a Hallmark, a quick visit inside is in order, especially when the Christmas stuff is out. Sadly, most of the stuff there is on the tasteful and pricey side (which is why you wait for the after Christmas sales….kinda got my eye on a Snoopy doll that rings and plays Jingle Bells.) The Hallmark Christmas ornaments are the stuff of priceless memories and lifelong treasures. What kind of dope would drop $20 per ornament? My mother. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

I can still remember when Hallmark was in Ridge Culver plaza in my hometown of Irondequoit, NY (they would later move to the now long gone Irondequoit Mall). It was such a joy seeing all the new ornaments that were out that year. Always sure to grab a catalog and find the ones I wanted the most, as additional “community” ornaments were usually purchased as well. These ornaments are amazing quality and are worth every penny.

In 1994 hallmark began to roll out a Baseball Heroes line. A pewter medallion ornament with a red, white and blue ribbon proclaiming the player’s name at the top, a 2-D color likeness of the player in the center, with the year of manufacturing etched into home plate. A short summary of the player was on the back. It was wonderful getting that first ornament and I looked forward to the next one each year. It was supposed to be a series of 12 and it was staggering to think I would be 19 and a sophomore in college when the set ended. I envisioned my tree covered in a dozen baseball legends, perhaps a collection to pass on to my own son someday. Baseball was to me, what Batman or Legos were to normal children. Sadly this wasn’t to be and the series was discontinued after the 4^th ornament. Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Satchel Paige and Jackie Robinson are alive and well (Robinson is missing an arm, I’m sorry to report), and they will hang proudly on our tree.

As for pajamas, this too has accompanied the ornament, on Christmas eve afternoon, shortly before the family arrived for dinner. We made sure to keep spare hooks handy for the immediate transfer of our ornaments from box to tree. I certainly remember at least one set of Buffalo Bills PJs, maybe around 93 or 94. I loved (still do) old man PJs. Long sleeve or short sleeve polyester with long pants. Something like you might see Ricky Ricardo wear. Flannel PJs were also suitable (Christmas ’97 I had red, white and green striped ones…”the Italian pride/Candy Cane PJs.” Later this would evolve into t-shirts and hilarious PJ pants (think AC/DC, Superman, Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd.) Not to mention the now famous purple and black silk PJs. While I usually stick to the t-shirt and pajama pants these days. I wouldn’t refuse those old man PJs.

It should be noted that we got these gifts at that time of day not because my parents had any grand attachment to doing it just then, it was to shut us up. And even then, we would be foaming at the mouth at the thought of the treasures that awaited us. We wanted something to open…an ornament, a box of crackers, anything. We usually got our small gifts we had “bought for each other” at this time. A small toy, wall calendar or CD was usually the variety of gifts we received then.

These are the things I remember and it doesn’t seem quite like Christmas without them. An ornament (or two) a year and pajamas are both traditions I look forward to continuing with our family in the coming years.

"Want A Plane, That Loops The Loop."

“My memory suffers sometimes, thanks to all the drinking and drugging, but the brain has a funny way of cataloging events as it damn well pleases. You forget some of the good stuff, and you remember some of the pain. A lot of it actually.” – Ace Frehley

Now , it should be known that I don’t drink or use drugs and there really isn’t much pain that I can think of associated with Christmas, but Ace hit the nail on the head about half way through that statement. Both He and I stand in awe at the power of our brains and the amount of information they can recall in almost sickening detail.

There are things I can and will recall in this blog that I shouldn’t remember. Things that are almost impossible to believe I remember. Things my near and dear relatives may not remember. Undoubtedly, you will read this blog and at least once, think to yourself that I gotta be making this stuff up or this can’t all be true. Oh but it is. Every single word of it. If I emptied my brain of music, sports, Americana, pop culture and memories like the ones I am about to share, my head would snap back like a twig. There would be nothing inside but dust. This blog is written in a very conversational tone. If you were talking to me about the topic I am talking about in a post, this is pretty much what you would hear. Dickens I ain't. In no particular order of importance, here we go….

#31 on my list of The 31 Things I Love About Christmas is: Christmas Catalogs.

Ask my mom. Ask my wife. I anticipate the arrival of the mail like a puppy waits to snack on the mailman. Sara (the aforementioned wife) has told me she has never met anyone who is so obsessed with the mail and looks forward to it as much as I do. Steve and Blue got nothing on me.

Usually in the summer months, maybe mid-August or so, there would be a loud thud in our mailbox (gold, square in shape, with some kind of carriage ornament on the front). IT’S HERE! The JcPenney’s Christmas catalogs had arrived. There were always two. The standard issue one full of boring grown-up stuff like luggage, underwear, appliances, clothes and other junk that didn’t usually make my Christmas list. There was a small toy section in it if I recall but not much. Then came the toy catalog. Ah boy.

This would usually result in my sister, Rosalia, and I pawing through page by page, circling and cutting out desired items. Funny thing of it was, I never really wanted anything in there. I was just happy to have something new to look at. At the most I would circle all the baseball card sets and gift boxes or the Starting Lineup sports action figures. I wasn’t really into superheroes, aside from a brief spell of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mania. Nor did I have much use for Power Rangers, Batman or anything else of that variety. While I certainly had Batman sheets and jammies as a kid, I didn’t ask for them specifically, they just seemed like things I normal boy would want.

Okay fine. Christmas ’92 I asked for and got a Fisher Price tool bench set. Why would I ask for something like this? Those who know me well know I am not mechanically inclined and the only thing I can fix is a sandwich. I asked for it, so to model after one of my then favorite TV characters, Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor of Home Improvement. Not because I wanted to be a rugged handyman, but because of Tim Allen. This was the same year Rosalia got her Fisher Price kitchen set. She got far more use out of that kitchen set than I did the tool bench. Sorry Santa.

Service Merchandise (If that don’t take ya back…ours was in the same plaza as Greece Ridge Mall in Rochester NY, it is now a Petco and Panera Bread Bakery) also issued a catalog back then. There was also the Sears Wish Book. They would suffer the same fate. Dog eared pages, cutout pictures and marked up items. Often when we went to Grandma’s house we would look through the same book there. So much so, that often Grandma’s copies would disappear, so they would remain in one piece.

I still love catalogs. Got at least three different hockey catalogs (River City Sports, Frozen Pond and NHL) in the end table drawer in the living room. Desired items marked accordingly. Probably won’t buy anything in there, but just in case someone asks or my beautiful wife decides to surprise me with more junk I really don’t need, she won’t have to guess what I want the most.

Not sure if I saw this one in a catalog or not but Christmas ’92 my Aunt Julie got me a table hockey game (Franklin Table Hockey Model 7250). Oh this thing was amazing. The teams were yellow and black and red and white (I imagined them to be the NJ Devils and Boston Bruins) the coolest feature of all was a plastic scoreboard with dials for keeping track of goals. Shortly after Christmas eve presents were opened, I begged to get this thing out of the box and play with it. And we did. And then discovered a rod was bent or warped in the box and it would have to go back to the store. Crushed, but I had a new table hockey game shortly after Christmas. Poor Aunt Julie was still recovering from my birthday the previous year where she got me “Hot Shot Basketball” table top game. It wasn’t much of a game without the needed spring that attached to the bottom of the catapult used to shoot the basketballs. I must say, the VHS copy of 101 Dalmatians I also received worked just fine.

There aren’t many toys a grown man needs, but if Santa wants to know what to bring. I’d still tell him a table hockey game.